Sunday, June 1, 2008

I wish time would slow down...

The countdown is on. Just hours until I have to leave my sweet baby and return to working life.

It's been 11 weeks and 6 days since I gave birth to my little girl. It's gone by so quickly. I am no longer counting down months, weeks, or days until I have to become a working's down to hours. 13 hours, to be exact.

I am not handling this very well.

You would think I would be out of tears after this past week, but I'm not. I feel like such an inadequate mother. I feel so awful for having to leave her. I almost feel like I am having to give her away. I caress her face, I stroke her fuzzy hair, sing to her. I hold her close and kiss her forehead, her soft chubby cheeks, her tiny lips, her long, graceful fingers. I am trying to memorize everything about her, because I feel like I am about to miss out on so much. I wonder if she will miss me like I will miss her.

I am absolutely dreading tomorrow morning. I hope my days at work fly by, so I can come back home to her again.


surpriseofunfolding said...

I am so sorry this is such a struggle for you. (((hugs))) I hope taht someday there will be a better maternity leave policy in place.

My mom went back to work when I was first born (& same for my brother) so I didn't have a SAHM. We had good, loving childcare and are all very close as a family. My mom was always there for me when I needed to talk - through struggles at elementary school, for my brother through his academic struggles, etc. We are a close & loving family. It is possible to be a great mom and have a wonderful loving relationship with your children, whehter you stay home or work.

There is a great book that I read about how to create routines, manage the transition to work, etc. - I found it quite valuable. There might be something in there that you find useful. I think the title is: The Working Mother's Guide to Life: Strategies, Secrets, and Solutions (Paperback)
by Linda Mason

Meanwhile, enjoy your precious treasure every day - she is beautiful and so are you.

Deb said...

I hate that this is such a hard day for you and I hope when you do get home you snuggle and love on her as much as you can.


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