Friday, June 13, 2008

A week away...

I will start by saying I'm sorry for the lack of posts this week. I know that going absent after the last post I made (about PPD) wasn't a very nice thing to do. It wasn't intentional. And truthfully, I was flattered that anyone actually noticed my absence! After all, I am a new blogger. I will try to do better.

So let me play catch up...

Brooklyn was 3 months old this week (June 10)! It is so hard to believe how quickly she is growing! She smiles all the time, and it is so beautiful...it just melts my heart. She also has "conversations" with us now...we talk to her and she goes back and forth making cute noises to answer us. It's adorable. I think she is going to be a real talker! At her doctor's appointment this week, she weighed 10 pounds even and was 22 inches long! Wow! No more weight gain problems!

I think I have mentioned before that she has reflux. Her pediatrician put her on baby Prevacid to treat the reflux. It has helped some...it has made her less fussy and she sleeps somewhat better at night. She will sometimes sleep 3 or 4 hours at a time now, although those stretches of sleep often start at about 6:00 a.m. We started a new reflux medication today (Axid), and hopefully that will help her not spit up so much and make her more comfortable.

We also found out at Brooklyn's 2 month doctor appointment that she has something called tracheomalacia. There is a short article about it here: http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vd3d3Lm5sbS5uaWguZ292L21lZGxpbmVwbHVzL2VuY3kvYXJ0aWNsZS8wMDEwODQuaHRt. Basically, her trachea is soft and has has not finished developing. It collapses down when she breathes, and causes her to make some really scary breathing noises. It has been worsening and getting much louder over the past couple of weeks.

Brooklyn and I went to our lactation consultant on Saturday, and our LC was concerned because her respirations were more rapid than they should be, and she is "working too hard" to breathe, even when asleep. Her respirations are 60 and they should be below 40. She can't stay latched on to feed because she has to take breaks to catch her breath. Her pediatrician heard her breathing over the phone on Monday and had us bring her in on Tuesday. They did chest x-rays to make sure that her heart murmur (a ventricular septal defect) is not the cause of her breathing problems. The x-rays were fine...her lungs were clear and her heart was not enlarged. He checked her oxygenation and it was good - 98%. She does not need to be on a heart monitor at night for now.

We have to go to a pediatric pulmonologist on June 23rd to make sure that tracheomalacia is the only problem, and not something more serious that could mimic it. The pedicatrician said that they will have to do a scope up her nose and down her throat. She may have to be sedated. That makes me so sad. Brooklyn has been very brave for most of the tests that she has had to have, but I am sure that the scope will hurt her and scare her, and that breaks my heart. But I know that it's important that we find out what is wrong for sure. I just hate that she keeps having to go through all these tests.

I survived my second week back at work. It really sucks. I am so worried about missing out on all of my baby's "firsts" and losing all of that bonding time. I just love her so, so much. I am missing a huge piece of my heart when I am at work. It physically hurts sometimes. I have a lot of guilt about the whole thing.

I haven't really been online this week. When I get home, I just want to hold Brooklyn because I have missed her so much all day long. There just isn't any time left in my day by the time I get home. So snuggling Brooklyn ends up being pretty much all I do. Hold her and love her and tell her how badly I miss her all day long. I wonder if she notices when I'm not there...

6 comments:

christina(apronstrings) said...

PPD sounds so scary! i have heard htat it is worse that regular depression which i hvae-which SUCKS if you're interested. : )
i hope you will get to feeling better soon.
it's a good thing that you realize that at the moment you aren't your emotional best. brookyln (LOVE the name) is a bit sick in a scary breathing way and you are back at work and you are suffering from PPD.
it won't always feel this overwhelming. it won't.

Katie said...

Via NaComLeavMo...
Hope everything works out ok with the breathing. You will start to feel better soon, and don't worry about going out to work. You will always be the person she loves best in the world.

DC said...

I hope all the tests go well and that the doctors don't discover anything seriously wrong. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you!

Kim said...

Hope everything is okay with Brooklyn. It must be so scary for you. NCLM

susansmusings said...

Of course she misses you when you aren't there! You are her mama and you will always be her favorite person in the whole world. Really.

nclm

DC said...

I just eralized you're not on my blogroll!! Fixing it now! :)

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