Saturday, June 7, 2008

A crying shame

Post-partum depression is:

-Feeling like you could never be a good enough mother for this beautiful little angel. That you can never do anything right and that your baby will always deserve a better mommy than you.

-Feeling guilty because you should be happier right now than you have ever been. And you're so thankful, and so in love with your baby, and so amazed by her...but not happy. Why?????

-Being afraid that you will never, ever feel normal again. You've become a shell of yourself.

-Crying yourself to sleep at night because you are so, so sad and hopeless...but you're not sure exactly why.

-Having so much anxiety about every little thing. Ending up so overwhelmed that you just can't do anything.

-Keeping how you feel a secret from nearly everyone...only your husband, OB, and lactation consultant know about your "diagnosis."

-Putting on a show around your family and friends so they'll think you're okay. This makes you even more exhausted than you already constantly feel.

-Being afraid that when people hear the words "post-partum depression" they will automatically judge you and think that you don't love your baby. Or take her from you because they think you are the next Andrea Yates.

-Being so ashamed to talk about it that you hesitate to even post about it on your blog because of what total strangers will think of you.

There. I've put it out there now.

15 comments:

DC said...

I'm sending you lots of hugs. Post partum depression is not anything to be ashamed of. You are still a good mother. Please take care of yourself and make sure you get the help you need. This will pass and you will feel better. In the meantime, hang in there! *hugs*

Paranoid said...

I'm so sorry. I don't know if anything I can say will help, but you will be in my thoughts.

Dr. Bad Ass said...

Hey, I'm a complete stranger, and I'm totally on your side here. So sorry you're going through this. Sending lots of hugs.

edie & ella said...

So sorry !!! I know you are having a rough time right now but try to keep your head up -- I hope continue to talk to the right people to get through this depression. Many people have it and don't talk about it so good for you for being brave enough to share your story. Take care of yourself --- sam

Momma Mary said...

Oh sweetie!!! I'm thinking of you! PPD is nothing to be ashamed of!! (((HUGS))) to you!

Don't be ashamed, or afraid to blog about it. You aren't alone, and sometimes, writing about that stuff can help. It can help not only you, but someone else reading your blog.

alicia said...

I am not sure oh your history, as I am just a nacomleavmo visitor, but a friend shared something with me yesterday that really hit home. she said that couples who have had infertility have waited soo soo long to have this baby, that when they do have it and realize it is a lot of work, tears and frustration that when they feel bad or angry an immense guilt consume them because they have tried so long for this baby, they should never complain cause they are so lucky to have him. but i think it is normal to have hard times, to be sad, to be angry no matter what history brought you to your baby. so even if you were never infertile, PPD is real and hard and I am sorry you have to experience it.

Kim said...

(((HUGS))) Not sure what to say, except that you are a brave woman. Brave to post, brave to talk about it, brave to get help. NCLM

Candid Engineer said...

I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling with this. It is definitely a greatly misunderstood problem, but please rest assured that there is nothing wrong with you. Get the help you need and you will be in good shape.

My name is Andy. said...

{{{HUGS}}} I've never had PPD, but I'm glad you are recognizing it and sharing and I hope you have tons of support IRL.

Take care.

Sam said...

More people need to know about this really so that they don't feel ashamed about this or come to the wrong conclusion - as you say, you are not the next Andrea Yates (whoever she is - I have never heard of her!)

Sending you good thoughts from across the pond!

Aunt Becky said...

Oh dude. I'm so sorry. I suffered from it, too.

*hugs*

It gets better, I promise.

DC said...

I hope you are feeling better. Sending lots of hugs your way.

Dreams Come True said...

I'm sending you lots of hugs as well. There's nothing to be ashamed of. You are a wonderful mother, I'm sure. Sending virtual hugs in the meanwhile as you try and deal with these ranges of emotions.

Cibele said...

here from nacomleavmo. I am so sorry. I just had a baby and I feel so overwhelmed... don't feel ashamed , it not your fault... hang on and soon things will be better . HUGS

edie & ella said...

I love your new picture -- she is cute cute cute........
OK == so you can't write a post on post partum depressiong then NOT let us hear from you for so long....... gets us worried. Say hi -- hope you are doing ok

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