Thursday, November 27, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Yesterday, he was off work. His mom came over to watch Brooklyn because she doesn’t get to see her very often. Dave told me that he was going to take advantage of the free time he would have and actually get some things done...mow the yard, take one of our dogs to get her shots, get Brooklyn’s prescriptions refilled.
I tried to call him a couple of times during the afternoon and he didn’t answer. He called me back around 4:30 and said that he was with his little brother and best friend and that they were on their way to my office. A few minutes later, they walked in. Dave says to his best friend, "Okay, Joe, show her the pictures." Joe comes over with his cell phone and starts showing me a series of pictures of someone getting a huge tattoo on their entire upper arm. I quickly notice that the person in the picture is wearing the same shirt as my husband. I look over at Dave and see that his sleeve is all bloody. He gives me a big goofy grin. He pulls his sleeve up to show me his new gigantic tattoo. "It’s AWESOME, isn’t it?!"
You have GOT to be kidding me. First of all....he doesn’t even bother telling me that he’s going to do this. I apparently don’t need to know, but his friend and brother and mom do. (His reasoning there: "I wanted to surprise you. I wanted to be able to show you and say, ‘Look what I did!’" SERIOUSLY??? Did you think I was going to jump up and down with excitement???)He
I don’t care that he got a tattoo. That’s not the issue. I wish he felt like he needed to include me in his plans. I can’t understand how he can justify spending our money this way when we clearly have so many other places it needs to go. I wish he would have thought of someone besides himself. I am PISSED. And he doesn’t care. He thinks it's pretty much the coolest thing he's ever done.
Oh...so he was at the tattoo parlor for four and a half hours. Do you think he got anything else accomplished during the nine hours his mom was taking care of Brooklyn? You know, those things that actually needed to get done? Nope, he didn't do a thing. Nice.
Monday, November 24, 2008
I am exhausted. I got sick after dinner last night. I just slept through my lunch hour, which was fine because the idea of eating the lunch I brought completely turned my stomach. I'm five days late. I have no signs that AF is on her way.
My hubby made me take a pregnancy test last night. It was negative. It was the first time I had ever been relieved to have a BFN. And yes, we're using birth control, but you know, nothing is 100% foolproof.
So if it's not that, then what's wrong with me? I feel YUCK.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
The rules of the award are this - fill out the little four-item questionnaire attached to the award, and pass it on to four friends. So here goes:
My best friend and I have actually known each other since we were six years old. We weren't really close back then, but we started working together when we were 15 and have been inseperable ever since.
They accept me, they listen to me, they support me through hard times, and I can trust them enough to show who I really am and how I really feel.
3. Are your friends your sounding boards?
Yes! I think that is such a wonderful part of friendship. Friends can show you a whole other perspective on a situation in your life.
4. What is your favorite activity to share with your friends?
I honestly don't care what I am doing when I get to spend time with my friends. Seriously. Going out to dinner, going to a movie, getting a drink, just hanging out at someone's house...to me, it doesn't matter where, it just matters who you are with.
So like I said, I'm supposed to pass this award on to four bloggy friends. This is a toughie because I have made so many wonderful friends in the few months that I have been blogging. I think you are ALL so fabulous and wish that I could hug you all in person :) Your kind words and encouragement are such a blessing to me!
Friday, November 21, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
I don't lie to people. I don't just say everything is great or good or fine with us. Honestly, I don't really feel like I should have to. I know that's the acceptable answer...but am I alone in feeling like if people are going to ask, they deserve a real answer? No, I'm not going to go into detail, but why should I have to give you a fake perfect picture of what my life has been lately? When you specifically ask me how my child is, why should I have to lie to you about it? Just because you might not know what to say?
I know we all do it. When we ask people how they're doing, we generally don't want to hear the truth. It's just a formality most of the time, and all we really want to hear is "Fine."
I wonder what it must be like for parents with terminally ill or very, very sick children. I wonder how they handle the everyday questions about how their kids are without making people squirm. Trust me, I know our situation is nothing compared to these. And I think that's what makes me feel kind of guilty about giving people a real answer. Then they might not think that I'm happy enough about being a mother. They might think I'm just feeling sorry for myself, or that I'm not grateful to have my sweet baby bear. What if they think I am fixated on the negative and don't think that I am totally crazy in love with my adorable daughter?
A few months ago, when we still didn't know what was going on with Brooklyn, when we had tons of tests coming up, when I was terrified of what could be wrong, a former coworker came by my floor at work to visit. He had retired about a year prior, but we had occasionally exchanged emails since then. He knew that I had just returned from maternity leave and that Brooklyn had been having some problems. He asked me how things were going with her. I gave him a little bit longer version of our situation, because I felt like he would be understanding. He was a parent and his first grandson was just a bit younger than Brooklyn. I told him about all her medications, breathing treatments, lack of weight gain, the tests she was having to go through. And his response was, "You know, there are a lot of parents that go through much worse. It's not that bad."
You don't think I know that? You don't think that I feel guilty all of the time because I know there are so many parents suffering through so much more? That I don't think I should be happier or less stressed because other mommies lose their babies, or live with the reality that they could lose their babies any day? I KNOW these things. This man made me feel about two inches tall. I felt like I should never tell anyone anything other than "Everything's fine."
Really and truly though...I don't feel like we should have to apologize or feel bad about for things in our lives that are beyond our control. I don't think that we should have to create a false reality, especially when it comes to our children.
Right now, my reality is this: I have a beautiful, sweet, smart-as-a-whip eight-month-old baby girl. She's the most wonderful thing I could have ever imagined having in my life. Unfortunately, she has some health problems right now. She has laryngomalacia, a problem with her arytenoids, severe reflux, and "failure to thrive." She's been through all kinds of tests and procedures and she has several specialists. She takes multiple medications, but they really don't seem to help. I don't know whether she will outgrow this or whether she will have to have surgery. I hate that I can't fix her and that no one else has yet either. And I get stressed out, and I get scared. And if you're going to ask me how my baby is, I'd appreciate it if you would validate my feelings instead of making me feel like a terrible person for telling you the truth. I'm not asking you to feel sorry for us, because Lord knows there are many, many others who you should feel sorry for before us. But please, just don't make me feel worse about a situation that already makes me feel bad. Thank you.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Brooklyn is doing really good at sitting up, but she doesn't have it completely perfected! Here she is hamming it up for the camera tonight...until she gets too excited and loses her balance. Tee hee. She is the most adorable tiny little person I've ever seen :)
Oh, she was 13 pounds, 12 ounces at her weight check on Wednesday! That's A WHOLE POUND gained in less than a month!!! Go Baby Bear!!! Our lactation consultant said, "Wow! This is great! Look how close she's getting to hitting that 3rd percentile line!" Okay...so sometimes we celebrate things that other people might not think about. But that's okay! Brooklyn is making her own growth curve and doing things her own way.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
I knew I was fat, but I really didn't think I looked 5 or 6 months pregnant (at least). I guess I was wrong.
She crushed what little self-confidence I had.
I feel too gross to even be seen in public. I have GOT to lose some weight.
And you know what else? That rude bitch didn't even apologize.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Brooklyn is eight months old today! That is absolutely crazy to think about...there is no way it has been EIGHT MONTHS since I laid in that delivery room and did the greatest thing I've ever done. No way. Time is moving too fast for me. I'm afraid I won't get to soak in all of her beautiful baby-ness. I don't ever want to forget a single detail. I will write more on this soon.
She is sitting up on her own really well. She can sit for about 5 minutes or so, unless she dives for a toy or gets too excited. Her balance is getting so much better. She has her first tooth coming through. It's on the top...I thought all babies cut their bottom teeth first, but my mom said that my first tooth was on top, and it wasn't even a center tooth. Brooklyn won't hold still long enough for me to look at her little chomper, but I can feel it with my finger and I can definitely feel it scraping me when I nurse her! Ouch.
As far as Brooklyn's health goes, I don't really have any updates there either. We are in a holding pattern. Nothing new, nothing worse, but really no improvements either. I don't think that the switch from Reglan to Bethanechol has changed anything. She doesn't have any appointments with her specialists this month, they will see her in early December. I am not too hopeful that she is going to just spontaneously outgrow her breathing problems, just because I am not seeing any signs of progress. We are just waiting to see what will happen between now and December. It's odd (but nice) to have an entire month in which we don't have to make any trips to Dallas for doctor's appointments.
Tomorrow is a holiday, so I get to be at home with the Baby Bear. Well, not really at home. I'm going to try to go to the eye doctor, see if the dentist has any openings, and I'm planning to take Brooklyn by the lactation consultant's office to have her weighed. It has been a couple of weeks since she has been to the doctor, and I get nervous if I don't know where we stand with our good friend the scale....
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
I am truly afraid of what may happen to our country if the wrong choice is made. There is so much at stake. But this isn't a political blog, and I'm not here to force my views on anybody or step on anyone's toes. So I will just say that you should educate yourself on the issues and make a wise, informed decision. Think not just about yourself but about our children and their children. What we do now will determine how we will be judged by future generations.
And remember, if you don't vote, you are still making a choice. You are making the decision to forfeit both your right to have your voice heard AND your right to complain about politics for the next four years! If you don't care enough to get out and vote for what you believe in now, you shouldn't care enough to whine about our leaders later.