Today when I came home from work, I picked Brooklyn up and she started fussing. She was fine until I held her. And that was all I had been wanting to do all day long. It broke my heart.
I am scared that she is going to be closer to her grandmothers and my hubby than me. It shouldn't be that way. It makes me so sad. I just want to be at home with her. I think Mondays are the worst for me at work because I have been glued to her all weekend, and I feel completely lost spending the day without a baby in my arms. Or attached to my boob.
Sometimes I feel like the only thing I can do to make Brooklyn happy is nurse her. That's the one thing I can do with her and for her that no one else can. I love to hold her against me and know that I am giving her the best nutrition she could possibly have. I rub her back and stroke her fuzzy hair while she eats. I gaze at her delicate little face, watching all of her expressions, in awe of her rapidly changing features. Sometimes she grasps my finger with her tiny hand, or holds on to my shirt. She feeds for a loooong time, and then lays her head on my breast to sleep. I don't mind how long it takes...I feel so bonded to her then. I love our cuddle time.
So, nursing is good. But sometimes it seems like that's all I've got. If that's the only way I can soothe her, and the best way I have to bond with her, what happens when she's not breastfeeding anymore? I'm scared she won't have any use for me then.