We scrutinized our finances and it looks like I will be going back to work on Monday. I am so upset. I feel like I am failing my daughter. I feel like she deserves better than this. If we made just a little bit more, or health insurance didn't cost quite so much...
But it does.
I hope this is only temporary. But I don't know. I don't see how.
This is what I have anticipated for so long, but it's not what I want for us. And I feel silly for letting myself entertain the idea that I could possibly stay at home with her and have what I want.
My husband has changed his tune to, "You have to work full time. That's just the way it is for us. I mean, if you want to keep the house and the dogs and all." I want to scream at him for making me believe that I had a choice. Instead, I just cry.
I should have gone for a different degree in college, one that would have helped me earn more money. I should have gotten a different job. I should have saved more money.
But I didn't. So I will go back to my hellhole job on June 2. And leave my poor tiny baby. I keep telling her how sorry I am tonight. I have let us both down.