Brooklyn will see her pulmonologist, Dr. G2, in Dallas this morning. He is supposed to give us the verdict on whether or not Brooklyn will have to have surgery on her airway. There are times when I think that she is getting a little better...a few more brief periods throughout the day that I don't hear her stridor. Then there are days when it is nonstop and as loud as ever, especially when she is asleep, like right now. So when asked the question, "Has she improved?", our answer will probably be something like, "Well...I don't know...sort of...sometimes...but not really...maybe a little...maybe not."
I am still very conflicted about Baby Bear having the surgery. I know I have touched on this before, but I am just so sick of putting her through all of these procedures. She has already gone through so much. Surgery terrifies me...I hated it last time. It was so scary to know that my baby was under anesthesia with breathing tubes down her throat...and there are always risks. Especially with someone who is so tiny. And from what I have read and been told, this particular surgical procedure could make her breathing problems worse. Some pulmonologists won't even perform it. But if it really is something that could fix all of her problems and make her life easier, am I a terrible mother for hesitating to do it? Brooklyn deserves to be free of all this. She deserves to be able to breathe without working so hard. She should be able to grow big and strong and be the size of other babies her age. If this surgery would allow her to do all of those things and make her healthy, what kind of mommy wouldn't do it?
Maybe we won't have to make those choices. Maybe Dr. G2 will tell us that since Brooklyn is on the growth charts now, we can keep waiting to see if she will outgrow it on her own?
We will find out in about 10 hours.