Thursday, December 4, 2008

Don't let it pass you by...

Last night, I dreamed that Brooklyn learned to crawl, walk, and run all in the same day. One minute, I was holding a tiny baby, and the next minute, she had taken off running around the house. She was so fast that I couldn't catch her. Her legs grew long and she was nearly as tall as me. When she came near to me, I tried to hold her, but she wriggled out of my grasp. She was too big for that now.

In my dream, I was proud of my daughter for learning all of these new skills. But I cried because I was mourning the loss of her as my sweet little baby. She was growing up, and she didn't need me the way she used to.

I've been thinking about this all day. It weighs heavy on my heart and makes me feel profoundly sad. I need to take my dream as a sign that I need to enjoy having a baby while I can. Other things in my life can wait. No one is going to die if I can't get all of the laundry done, if I can't vacuum as often as I want, or if my email doesn't get checked every day. I can live with those things. But I won't be able to live with myself if I don't fully enjoy my baby and if I don't love on her and bond with her as much as I possibly can while she's still small. While she's still a little baby.

Brooklyn won't always need me the way that she does right now. When she wakes up every hour during the night, I need a better attitude about it. I need to think about how lucky I am to have someone who needs me so much, instead of being irritated about lost sleep. I need to remind myself of how fortunate I am to have this little person in my life who cries out in the dark just because she wants so badly for me to cradle her in my arms and make her feel secure. I can make her world okay by holding her little body to mine, nursing her, stroking her hair, and touching her little face. When I think about it....that's such an incredible privilege. My beautiful baby is showing me the purest form of love and complete trust.

This time in her life will be over so soon, and I don't want to regret a single thing about it. I won't get another chance to do it the right way. I want to make everything perfect for her. I want to have the most wonderful memories possible. Because when it's all said and done, Brooklyn is all that really matters to me.

7 comments:

Trish said...

I love this bit

"I've been thinking about this all day. It weighs heavy on my heart and makes me feel profoundly sad. I need to take my dream as a sign that I need to enjoy having a baby while I can. Other things in my life can wait. No one is going to die if I can't get all of the laundry done, if I can't vacuum as often as I want, or if my email doesn't get checked every day. I can live with those things. But I won't be able to live with myself if I don't fully enjoy my baby and if I don't love on her and bond with her as much as I possibly can while she's still small. While she's still a little baby."

I so agree -thanks for the reminder.

Hugs ...they do grow up so quickly.

Cibele said...

Thank you so much for writing this, I need to hear it.

Jennifer said...

I have this thought at least once a day. My heart hurts to think about the day when she won't need me like I need her. I live for every smile, hug, wet kiss and I try to remember that one day I'll even miss the whines. It is going too fast.

L.G. Reeves said...

Good post mom. proud of you.

And Baby Makes Three said...

What a great post. I need to stop and enjoy this time more...the laundry will wait, the dishwasher will get emptied...but the days of getting snuggles on the couch and rocking her to sleep are numbered. Thanks for making me take a step back.

Sarah

Carrie27 said...

So very true. I know that I'm very guilty of this. I have let a lot of thing slack so I can get that extra time with all the kiddos.

It's a hard place to be at.

Liz said...

Amanda,
When my kids were little, I had moments of realizing "boy this is going to go fast, I should just live in the moment" but of course I was too sleep deprived & worn out to really do that. I mostly just whined about how tired I was. But ya know, they're 7, 8 & 12 now and I just sort of sit back & wonder WHERE the time went. I love that they're independant & pretty self sufficient now days, but wow...it goes by REALLY fast!!! Don't blink...you'll miss it!

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