Wednesday, September 9, 2009


I am 28 years old today.

The Blogger logo has a piece of birthday cake with a candle on it today. Do we share a birthday?


That sounds pretty lucky.

I hope it is.

I am having one of those days where it is hard to even force a fake smile.

I have got to do something to get myself happy. I guess first I have to figure out what that is. I need to find me. I used to know who I was. I used to have an identity.

Brooklyn is the only thing in my life that makes me happy anymore. She is the only wonderful, beautiful, bright, sunny spot in a world of gray. And that means that when she is unhappy, even when it is just grumpy/whiny/sleepy/frustrated typical toddler unhappiness, I am miserable. I feel like a horrible mother, a horrible person when she is not blissfully happy. I feel like curling into a little ball and disappearing. Really, I just want to go to sleep when it's like that (when Dave's home, obviously), but I already feel so guilty about missing out on spending time with my Baby Bear.

There is so much more to this, but it doesn't belong in this post. Most of this really didn't either, but oh well.

I hate being like this.

28 has to get better.

I want a happy birthday. I want a happy 28.

And I close my eyes and wish.


Eva said...

Hi. First of all: Happy Birthday to you!!
In second: It's the first time that I wrote here but it isn't the first time that i came here.
In third: my first language is portuguese, then sorry about I can't talk english well.
There are so many things that I want to tell, but if I talk about everything would be almost a book! Rsrs
I have a 1 year and eleven months old boy (exactly today). He had many health problems.
I had to fight to prove that he had several allergies.
He went through a lot of tests and hospitalizations. I know the feeling of not wanting to sleep because I wanted staring into my sleeping baby and have sure that he is well.
I identified with your story. I would like to hear your news. Even in those days that are not so good. I know you still have many good stories to tell.
Excuse me for the long comment.

Sarah said...

Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday oh Amanda, Happy Birthday to you!

Love, Claire (and me)

Beth said...

Happy, happy birthday!

28 was a good year for me... I'm hoping it's an even better age/year for you. You deserve a wonderful year!!! =)

birthday xoxo from Adam and I =)!

Jennifer W. said...

28 is going okay for me too. And it's the year I'm learning to take care of myself and my daughter first, to make myself happy, and to learn to just deal with everyone and everything else. I hope your year is great. I believe it will be. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Liz said...

I'm sorry I missed the day of your birthday, but I hope it ended up being a good one!

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