Brooklyn was coughing all morning. And it didn't sound like the normal, harmless cough she usually has when she coughs. It sounded all rattly, like she's trying to cough up something. And she was doing it a lot. I ctalked to my mom a little while ago and my mom said she is still coughing.
I am freaking out over here. I am so terrified of RSV. Please please please PLEASE don't get RSV, Baby Bear.
So if I call the pediatrician, and tell them that Brooklyn has a bad cough but nothing else seems to be wrong so far, is that stupid? Can they even do anything? Will they see her? Or am I just being the high-strung-always-worried-petrified-of-RSV-paranoid mommy?
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
The other side of her
So, I have this coworker who I USED to be very close friends with. I will call her Amy. She started working here about nine months before I became pregnant with Brooklyn. I helped her learn her job and was a friend to her when she wasn't fitting into the little clique on her floor. We went out to lunch and ran errands together a lot. We started walking around downtown together during our lunch hour to get some exercise. We hung out at work every day and talked on the phone most days too.
By the time I got pregnant with Brooklyn, Amy was one of my closest friends. She was one of the first people to find out the night I got my BFP. She was so excited with me, she screamed with happiness and talked on and on about how great it was going to be. "Oh my God," she said. "I can't wait. We're going to throw you a baby shower. We'll have so much fun shopping for baby clothes. We'll paint a big smiley face on your belly and take pictures of it. I want to hold the baby and give the baby a bottle. This is going to be so much fun!"
And it was. Amy calmed my first trimester freakout fears. She helped me decorate Brooklyn's nursery. She did co-host my baby shower. She bought us an expensive baby gift, even when I told her not to. I invited her to be one of the 10 people we could bring to my 3D sonogram.
I was there for her too. I babysat her son. My husband went to her son's "Grandfriends" day at school with him because he didn't have an adult besides Amy to be there with him. She was going through a lot of problems with her son's father and a major custody battle ensued. Her son started having behavioral problems. I was her support. She would always call me to cry and vent and yell about her ex, her son, and other things too.
Amy was at the hospital to see Brooklyn within hours of her birth. She came to see her the next day, also. We had to go to my office to fill out some paperwork when Brooklyn was a week old. Amy held her for an hour and wouldn't let anyone else take a turn. But then, my maternity leave had begun, and I stopped hearing from Amy. I think she called me two or three times for the entire twelve weeks that I was off. During those conversations, she would tell me that she was going to come over. But she never did. And I needed her. We were having such a hard time. Brooklyn had feeding and weight gain problems. Then the reflux started. Then the respiratory problems kicked in, and we didn't know what was wrong with her. I was terrified. I needed her. I couldn't understand why Amy wasn't there for me anymore.
It's true that the phone works both ways. But I was in the throes of postpartum depression. I isolated myself. I couldn't reach out to anyone. Amy is actually the only friend that I told about my PPD. But she still wasn't there.
When I came back to work, things were not the same between Amy and I. We talked, but not as often, and it was just different. We went out to lunch occasionally. We didn't see each other outside of work.
Then, at the end of July, Brooklyn became very ill and was hospitalized for several days. I talked to Amy for a few minutes after Brooklyn was admitted. She didn't come visit. She didn't call to check up on Brooklyn.
Amy came to my office the day after Brooklyn got to come home from the hospital. "So," she said, "You never called me. What's going on with the baby?" I was hurt by the fact that she hadn't even checked on us. I said, "She's home. She's getting better. I never heard from you, so...." Amy got mad and said something about the fact that I could have called. I told her that I was busy taking care of a very sick baby. She acted all taken aback and stormed out of my office. A few minutes later, I sent her a message saying that I didn't understand what she was mad about. She sent back a long reply that she wasn't mad, she was disappointed. That she had done so much for us, and she couldn't believe that I could act this way. That she was angry that I hadn't called her to babysit when she had offered to do so. That I had used her. She said that she knew what it was like to have a very sick child, but that the way I was acting was unexcusable. That I had treated her badly, she didn't appreciate it, and she damn sure wasn't going to take it.
I replied back that I had not used her, that I had been there for her too, that I didn't understand where all this was coming from. She never answered me.
Amy has not spoken to me since. In fact, she has refused to even look at me since then. Even when I have brought Brooklyn by the office to visit a couple of times. She has ignored me, turned around, and walked out of the room. I knew that Amy is a bitter person with a lot of hurt. I knew that she had a quick temper and an angry tongue and got into a lot of confrontations. A lot of people we work with don't like her because of that. But before all of this, she had never been that way to me. She had been a good friend to me.
I really don't understand what happened. And I don't know what to do. It still hurts me. I do miss her. I have thought about apologizing, but honestly, I never so much as said a cross word to her. I don't know what I could possibly have done that would warrant an apology. I have thought about going upstairs to her office and telling her I want to talk the whole thing out and make it all okay again. I've thought about asking her to lunch and telling her I want to put this all behind us. But now it's been over five months since we have spoken. And maybe that's just too long. I don't know if I should just leave things the way they are now. I wonder if all of this should tell me that Amy isn't the kind of person I should be friends with. I don't know what to do. Is it over for good? Why is it so hard for me to have and keep any true friends?
By the time I got pregnant with Brooklyn, Amy was one of my closest friends. She was one of the first people to find out the night I got my BFP. She was so excited with me, she screamed with happiness and talked on and on about how great it was going to be. "Oh my God," she said. "I can't wait. We're going to throw you a baby shower. We'll have so much fun shopping for baby clothes. We'll paint a big smiley face on your belly and take pictures of it. I want to hold the baby and give the baby a bottle. This is going to be so much fun!"
And it was. Amy calmed my first trimester freakout fears. She helped me decorate Brooklyn's nursery. She did co-host my baby shower. She bought us an expensive baby gift, even when I told her not to. I invited her to be one of the 10 people we could bring to my 3D sonogram.
I was there for her too. I babysat her son. My husband went to her son's "Grandfriends" day at school with him because he didn't have an adult besides Amy to be there with him. She was going through a lot of problems with her son's father and a major custody battle ensued. Her son started having behavioral problems. I was her support. She would always call me to cry and vent and yell about her ex, her son, and other things too.
Amy was at the hospital to see Brooklyn within hours of her birth. She came to see her the next day, also. We had to go to my office to fill out some paperwork when Brooklyn was a week old. Amy held her for an hour and wouldn't let anyone else take a turn. But then, my maternity leave had begun, and I stopped hearing from Amy. I think she called me two or three times for the entire twelve weeks that I was off. During those conversations, she would tell me that she was going to come over. But she never did. And I needed her. We were having such a hard time. Brooklyn had feeding and weight gain problems. Then the reflux started. Then the respiratory problems kicked in, and we didn't know what was wrong with her. I was terrified. I needed her. I couldn't understand why Amy wasn't there for me anymore.
It's true that the phone works both ways. But I was in the throes of postpartum depression. I isolated myself. I couldn't reach out to anyone. Amy is actually the only friend that I told about my PPD. But she still wasn't there.
When I came back to work, things were not the same between Amy and I. We talked, but not as often, and it was just different. We went out to lunch occasionally. We didn't see each other outside of work.
Then, at the end of July, Brooklyn became very ill and was hospitalized for several days. I talked to Amy for a few minutes after Brooklyn was admitted. She didn't come visit. She didn't call to check up on Brooklyn.
Amy came to my office the day after Brooklyn got to come home from the hospital. "So," she said, "You never called me. What's going on with the baby?" I was hurt by the fact that she hadn't even checked on us. I said, "She's home. She's getting better. I never heard from you, so...." Amy got mad and said something about the fact that I could have called. I told her that I was busy taking care of a very sick baby. She acted all taken aback and stormed out of my office. A few minutes later, I sent her a message saying that I didn't understand what she was mad about. She sent back a long reply that she wasn't mad, she was disappointed. That she had done so much for us, and she couldn't believe that I could act this way. That she was angry that I hadn't called her to babysit when she had offered to do so. That I had used her. She said that she knew what it was like to have a very sick child, but that the way I was acting was unexcusable. That I had treated her badly, she didn't appreciate it, and she damn sure wasn't going to take it.
I replied back that I had not used her, that I had been there for her too, that I didn't understand where all this was coming from. She never answered me.
Amy has not spoken to me since. In fact, she has refused to even look at me since then. Even when I have brought Brooklyn by the office to visit a couple of times. She has ignored me, turned around, and walked out of the room. I knew that Amy is a bitter person with a lot of hurt. I knew that she had a quick temper and an angry tongue and got into a lot of confrontations. A lot of people we work with don't like her because of that. But before all of this, she had never been that way to me. She had been a good friend to me.
I really don't understand what happened. And I don't know what to do. It still hurts me. I do miss her. I have thought about apologizing, but honestly, I never so much as said a cross word to her. I don't know what I could possibly have done that would warrant an apology. I have thought about going upstairs to her office and telling her I want to talk the whole thing out and make it all okay again. I've thought about asking her to lunch and telling her I want to put this all behind us. But now it's been over five months since we have spoken. And maybe that's just too long. I don't know if I should just leave things the way they are now. I wonder if all of this should tell me that Amy isn't the kind of person I should be friends with. I don't know what to do. Is it over for good? Why is it so hard for me to have and keep any true friends?
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Boredom killer personality quiz
I took this personality test to kill some time while Brooklyn is laying here napping in my arms (Thanks, Liz!) It's frighteningly accurate. It even included my job and degree (social work) as ones that are appropriate for people with my personality type. If you decide to take it, let me know so that I can snoop on your results too!
ISFJ - The "Defender"
ISFJs are traditional, loyal, quiet and kind. They are very sensitive to other people's needs because they are very observant. They have rich inner thoughts and emotions. They value stability and cultural norms. They are very adept at giving attention to detail. They do not seek positions of authority.
About the ISFJ -
"ISFJs are characterized above all by their desire to serve others, their "need to be needed." In extreme cases, this need is so strong that standard give-and-take relationships are deeply unsatisfying to them; however, most ISFJs find more than enough with which to occupy themselves within the framework of a normal life."
- ISFJ Profile (TypeLogic)"modest, not confrontational, easily hurt, observer, prone to crying, not spontaneous"
- Jung Type Descriptions (ISFJ) (similarminds.com)"ISFJs have a rich inner world that is not usually obvious to observers. They constantly take in information about people and situations that is personally important to them, and store it away. This tremendous store of information is usually startlingly accurate, because the ISFJ has an exceptional memory about things that are important to their value systems. It would not be uncommon for the ISFJ to remember a particular facial expression or conversation in precise detail years after..."
- Portrait of an ISFJ (The Personality Page)
"The primary desire of the Protector SJ is to be of service to others, but here "service" means not so much furnishing others with the necessities of life, as guarding others against life's pitfalls and perils, that is, seeing to their safety and security."
- The Portrait of the Protector Guardian (iSfJ) (Keirsey)"At work, ISFJs contribute loyal, sympathetic, consistent, and considerate service to others. They are know for their kindness and for their willingness to go to any length to help those in need. They take the practical needs of people into account when they do their work, and their strong follow-through skills allow them to carry out organizational goals. They do at least what is expected to them and oftentimes more, without attracting attention to themselves. They are painstaking and responsible with detail and routine, and feel it is important to have the right things in the right places at the right times."
- ISFJ - The Nurturer (Lifexplore)
ISFJ - The "Defender"
ISFJs are traditional, loyal, quiet and kind. They are very sensitive to other people's needs because they are very observant. They have rich inner thoughts and emotions. They value stability and cultural norms. They are very adept at giving attention to detail. They do not seek positions of authority.
About the ISFJ -
"ISFJs are characterized above all by their desire to serve others, their "need to be needed." In extreme cases, this need is so strong that standard give-and-take relationships are deeply unsatisfying to them; however, most ISFJs find more than enough with which to occupy themselves within the framework of a normal life."
- ISFJ Profile (TypeLogic)"modest, not confrontational, easily hurt, observer, prone to crying, not spontaneous"
- Jung Type Descriptions (ISFJ) (similarminds.com)"ISFJs have a rich inner world that is not usually obvious to observers. They constantly take in information about people and situations that is personally important to them, and store it away. This tremendous store of information is usually startlingly accurate, because the ISFJ has an exceptional memory about things that are important to their value systems. It would not be uncommon for the ISFJ to remember a particular facial expression or conversation in precise detail years after..."
- Portrait of an ISFJ (The Personality Page)
"The primary desire of the Protector SJ is to be of service to others, but here "service" means not so much furnishing others with the necessities of life, as guarding others against life's pitfalls and perils, that is, seeing to their safety and security."
- The Portrait of the Protector Guardian (iSfJ) (Keirsey)"At work, ISFJs contribute loyal, sympathetic, consistent, and considerate service to others. They are know for their kindness and for their willingness to go to any length to help those in need. They take the practical needs of people into account when they do their work, and their strong follow-through skills allow them to carry out organizational goals. They do at least what is expected to them and oftentimes more, without attracting attention to themselves. They are painstaking and responsible with detail and routine, and feel it is important to have the right things in the right places at the right times."
- ISFJ - The Nurturer (Lifexplore)
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Sleepless nights
For a while there, Baby Bear was sleeping through the nights pretty well. She would sleep about 7 or 8 hours, only waking a few times to fuss until we put her paci back in her mouth.
We have regressed. Oh Lord, have we ever regressed. Over the past three days, I think I have had about 7 or 8 hours of sleep total.
I know one problem we have been having is that Brooklyn has been really constipated. I have no idea why, because nothing changed with her diet or her meds. But anyways, she went a week without "going" until I finally had to give the poor baby a suppository on Monday and oh, what a fun experience that was for both she and I :(. So over the past week or so, she would wake up a lot, screaming and grunting and straining. Poor thing.
My mom thinks, and I am starting to agree, that Brooklyn's other sleep problem is that she is sick of sleeping in her car seat. My mom feels like Brooklyn is uncomfortable and wants to be able to stetch out and move around while she is sleeping, and obviously she can't do that when she is belted into one position. She sleeps much more restfully when she takes naps. She will only nap if she is being held.
Brooklyn also will not go to sleep before at least 1 or 2 in the morning. I do NOT know why. But we can't seem to change this. We try to put her to bed before this, but she just fights and fights it.
I wonder if when I get the Tucker sling, if Brooklyn's transition to her crib will be any easy one. I kind of think it can't be much worse than her sleep habits right now, but who knows.
As far as my lack of sleep, the nights when my husband works overnight security are the worst, because it is just me to get her to sleep, and just me to get up with her. No tag team. For example, here is how last night went...it was worse than usual:
10:45 - Last dose of meds. She has to wait 30 minutes to eat. We played for 30 minutes.
11:15 - Last nursing session and formula supplement
11:30 - Snuggle time, rocking, singing, whatever, to try to get her to sleep. She will calm down for a little bit, then decide she wants to sit up, squirm, get mad, pull my hair, scream, slam her head backwards into my chest or face repeatedly...you get the idea. This goes on for an hour or so.
12:40 - Now she's got a really wet diaper. Diaper change.
12:45 - Try to hold her close and get her to sleep again. She just gets mad. So I figure I will just try putting her in the carseat. This does not go over well. Cry, cry, cry, scream. I take her into my bedroom and put her carseat on the bed and lay next to her. She holds onto my hand and I rock the carseat with my other hand.
1:15 - She's asleep.
1:30 - Every time I try to move my hand off her, she wakes up and starts screaming. She pulls my fingers to her with one hand and grabs by forearm with her other hand. I need to put on my PJ's and take my contacts out and brush my teeth. Oh well. I guess I'll do it later.
1:45 - I doze off for a bit.
2:05 - I really have to pee. I gently take my hand off her and before I can even roll over to get out of bed, Brooklyn is screaming her head off. I take out my contacts while I'm in the bathroom, because she is already throwing a huge fit, and I don't want to have to do this again in an hour or so.
2:10 - Cry cry cry cry...rocking, singing (in the carseat).
2:30 - She falls asleep again.
2:50 - The dogs (in the living room) start barking for what seems to be absolutely no reason. And. They. Won't. Stop. Barking. Brooklyn wakes up, crying.
2:55 - I get pissed and put them outside. Well, I put my pug outside...but my dachshund runs away and it's dark and I have no contacts and I can't find/catch her. I get madder and give up.
3:00 - Rocking, soothing, stroking Brooklyn's face, etc., while she cries.
3:10 - She's back asleep. I doze off too (hand still on her, of course).
3:40 - My pug, who has been barking outside the whole time, still for no reason, starts scratching really loud to be let in on the door right by our bedroom. I finally get up and let her in because it's cold out. Since my hand is no longer on Brooklyn, she cries. The dogs start running around chasing each other. I shut the bedroom door so they can't come in there anymore.
3:55 - Brooklyn's back asleep. Me too.
5:00 - Dogs barking again for no reason. Wakes me up, but only wakes Brooklyn up for a quick second, and she calms down when I give her her paci.
5:30 - Hubby gets home from his security job. I wake up for a minute.
5:45 - Hubby gets into bed. To do so, he must move Brooklyn's carseat off his side of the bed, thereby taking my hand off of her. She screams and cries. He rocks her carseat until she goes back to sleep.
5:55 - Everyone's back to sleep.
6:10 - My alarm goes off.
Somebody help me. Please.
We have regressed. Oh Lord, have we ever regressed. Over the past three days, I think I have had about 7 or 8 hours of sleep total.
I know one problem we have been having is that Brooklyn has been really constipated. I have no idea why, because nothing changed with her diet or her meds. But anyways, she went a week without "going" until I finally had to give the poor baby a suppository on Monday and oh, what a fun experience that was for both she and I :(. So over the past week or so, she would wake up a lot, screaming and grunting and straining. Poor thing.
My mom thinks, and I am starting to agree, that Brooklyn's other sleep problem is that she is sick of sleeping in her car seat. My mom feels like Brooklyn is uncomfortable and wants to be able to stetch out and move around while she is sleeping, and obviously she can't do that when she is belted into one position. She sleeps much more restfully when she takes naps. She will only nap if she is being held.
Brooklyn also will not go to sleep before at least 1 or 2 in the morning. I do NOT know why. But we can't seem to change this. We try to put her to bed before this, but she just fights and fights it.
I wonder if when I get the Tucker sling, if Brooklyn's transition to her crib will be any easy one. I kind of think it can't be much worse than her sleep habits right now, but who knows.
As far as my lack of sleep, the nights when my husband works overnight security are the worst, because it is just me to get her to sleep, and just me to get up with her. No tag team. For example, here is how last night went...it was worse than usual:
10:45 - Last dose of meds. She has to wait 30 minutes to eat. We played for 30 minutes.
11:15 - Last nursing session and formula supplement
11:30 - Snuggle time, rocking, singing, whatever, to try to get her to sleep. She will calm down for a little bit, then decide she wants to sit up, squirm, get mad, pull my hair, scream, slam her head backwards into my chest or face repeatedly...you get the idea. This goes on for an hour or so.
12:40 - Now she's got a really wet diaper. Diaper change.
12:45 - Try to hold her close and get her to sleep again. She just gets mad. So I figure I will just try putting her in the carseat. This does not go over well. Cry, cry, cry, scream. I take her into my bedroom and put her carseat on the bed and lay next to her. She holds onto my hand and I rock the carseat with my other hand.
1:15 - She's asleep.
1:30 - Every time I try to move my hand off her, she wakes up and starts screaming. She pulls my fingers to her with one hand and grabs by forearm with her other hand. I need to put on my PJ's and take my contacts out and brush my teeth. Oh well. I guess I'll do it later.
1:45 - I doze off for a bit.
2:05 - I really have to pee. I gently take my hand off her and before I can even roll over to get out of bed, Brooklyn is screaming her head off. I take out my contacts while I'm in the bathroom, because she is already throwing a huge fit, and I don't want to have to do this again in an hour or so.
2:10 - Cry cry cry cry...rocking, singing (in the carseat).
2:30 - She falls asleep again.
2:50 - The dogs (in the living room) start barking for what seems to be absolutely no reason. And. They. Won't. Stop. Barking. Brooklyn wakes up, crying.
2:55 - I get pissed and put them outside. Well, I put my pug outside...but my dachshund runs away and it's dark and I have no contacts and I can't find/catch her. I get madder and give up.
3:00 - Rocking, soothing, stroking Brooklyn's face, etc., while she cries.
3:10 - She's back asleep. I doze off too (hand still on her, of course).
3:40 - My pug, who has been barking outside the whole time, still for no reason, starts scratching really loud to be let in on the door right by our bedroom. I finally get up and let her in because it's cold out. Since my hand is no longer on Brooklyn, she cries. The dogs start running around chasing each other. I shut the bedroom door so they can't come in there anymore.
3:55 - Brooklyn's back asleep. Me too.
5:00 - Dogs barking again for no reason. Wakes me up, but only wakes Brooklyn up for a quick second, and she calms down when I give her her paci.
5:30 - Hubby gets home from his security job. I wake up for a minute.
5:45 - Hubby gets into bed. To do so, he must move Brooklyn's carseat off his side of the bed, thereby taking my hand off of her. She screams and cries. He rocks her carseat until she goes back to sleep.
5:55 - Everyone's back to sleep.
6:10 - My alarm goes off.
Somebody help me. Please.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Quickly....
Just a few things before I have to get back to work. (Sigh)
***************
Our friend who was in the car wreck is still fighting. He is starting to show some improvement...he's still in a "moderate coma" in the trauma ICU, but has been responding to some stimulation the past couple of days. He wiggled his toes on command, squeezed his mother's hand on command, and gave his family a "thumbs up" when asked to. He has come so far in a week. Baby steps. As long as he is moving forward it is such a great thing. He squeezed my hand a couple of times the other night as well. His nurse cautioned us that he may never wake up any more than he is now. But the improvements over the past few days have given everyone hope. He is not gone, he is in there somewhere...
****************
Family drama this weekend. My brother was arrested yesterday. He is now in jail and nearly took my other (baby) brother with him. Stupid decisions on both their parts. They both refuse to let go of the drugs. It seems as though nothing ever really changes with them. Any time that it seems that they might have moved on or grown up, we are right back here again. Although my youngest brother was not arrested, the military will likely find out what has been going on, and he will pay for it then.
I may write more on this later. I get so frustrated and disappointed in him. I know he can do better. The one who is sitting in jail right now...I don't think that he will ever stop living the life that he is living. He has let drugs take everything from him and still won't stop. Homeless. Jobless. Every problem that he has, he has created with his drug use. It's a terrible thing to say that you have given up on someone, but in his case, I have. He is not the brother I grew up with. That person is gone.
The youngest one could do so much better. I have so much hope for him. It breaks my heart that he keeps doing this to himself. He has so much to lose.
*****************
Dave and I have both had a nasty cold/sore throat/sinus thing. Brooklyn has managed not to catch it so far, hopefully she will keep fighting off all these nasty winter bugs.
I will write a better post soon.
Back to work now.
***************
Our friend who was in the car wreck is still fighting. He is starting to show some improvement...he's still in a "moderate coma" in the trauma ICU, but has been responding to some stimulation the past couple of days. He wiggled his toes on command, squeezed his mother's hand on command, and gave his family a "thumbs up" when asked to. He has come so far in a week. Baby steps. As long as he is moving forward it is such a great thing. He squeezed my hand a couple of times the other night as well. His nurse cautioned us that he may never wake up any more than he is now. But the improvements over the past few days have given everyone hope. He is not gone, he is in there somewhere...
****************
Family drama this weekend. My brother was arrested yesterday. He is now in jail and nearly took my other (baby) brother with him. Stupid decisions on both their parts. They both refuse to let go of the drugs. It seems as though nothing ever really changes with them. Any time that it seems that they might have moved on or grown up, we are right back here again. Although my youngest brother was not arrested, the military will likely find out what has been going on, and he will pay for it then.
I may write more on this later. I get so frustrated and disappointed in him. I know he can do better. The one who is sitting in jail right now...I don't think that he will ever stop living the life that he is living. He has let drugs take everything from him and still won't stop. Homeless. Jobless. Every problem that he has, he has created with his drug use. It's a terrible thing to say that you have given up on someone, but in his case, I have. He is not the brother I grew up with. That person is gone.
The youngest one could do so much better. I have so much hope for him. It breaks my heart that he keeps doing this to himself. He has so much to lose.
*****************
Dave and I have both had a nasty cold/sore throat/sinus thing. Brooklyn has managed not to catch it so far, hopefully she will keep fighting off all these nasty winter bugs.
I will write a better post soon.
Back to work now.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Why?
Just down the road from where I sit, one of our dear friends lies in a hospital bed in a deep coma. A terrible car wreck on Saturday afternoon caused a very serious brain injury. Now he lies there, completely still, hanging on to life with machines performing every vital function for him. His brain continues to swell and bleed. They can no longer use the medications that were reducing the pressure inside his skull. This morning, a neurosurgeon told his family that his brain was too badly bruised and swollen to perform surgery. The doctor said that he is now "in God's hands."
In God's hands, indeed. We have been to the wreck site, we have seen the pictures of the mangled truck he was trapped inside. It is miraculous that he made it to the hospital, that he survived his surgery to repair his internal organs that day, and that he has made it through three long days so far. He is strong, and he is in the fight of his life right now. The fight FOR his life.
I have a hard time believing that the God I love would let him suffer through the last three days just to take him from us. Or to not let him wake back up again. The doctors aren't giving his family a whole lot of hope. IF he makes it through, they say...IF he wakes up...he will probably never be the same again. That's a lot for them to take. To hear these things about their eighteen-year-old son, brother, cousin, nephew, friend. To see him lying in a hospital bed with so many wires and tubes running in and out of his body, a drastically swollen version of himself. To spend so many hours in the ICU waiting room and hallway, unable to see their loved one. Waiting for any report, not knowing what is going on behind those locked double doors that lead to his room. We have spent a great deal of time at the hospital since Saturday afternoon. It is the least that we can do, to give them support and hugs, an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on. There are so many tears from so many loved ones. It weighs heavy on my soul.
My husband and I have been able to see him twice. I have held his hand and told him to keep fighting and that we love him. I have prayed over him with a complete stranger. Visitation is five times per day, fifteen minutes each time. It is overwhelming how many people line up to see this young man every time visitation rolls around. A flock of 50, 60, 70 people, filing in and out, three at a time. So much love, such a big family, and so many friends. I know why. He is a good kid. He is outgoing, he has a big smile, a great sense of humor, a helping hand, and a sweet spirit.
Please pray with me. He is in God's hands. So...I pray that God's hands will carry him and his entire family through this and bring him back to us.
In God's hands, indeed. We have been to the wreck site, we have seen the pictures of the mangled truck he was trapped inside. It is miraculous that he made it to the hospital, that he survived his surgery to repair his internal organs that day, and that he has made it through three long days so far. He is strong, and he is in the fight of his life right now. The fight FOR his life.
I have a hard time believing that the God I love would let him suffer through the last three days just to take him from us. Or to not let him wake back up again. The doctors aren't giving his family a whole lot of hope. IF he makes it through, they say...IF he wakes up...he will probably never be the same again. That's a lot for them to take. To hear these things about their eighteen-year-old son, brother, cousin, nephew, friend. To see him lying in a hospital bed with so many wires and tubes running in and out of his body, a drastically swollen version of himself. To spend so many hours in the ICU waiting room and hallway, unable to see their loved one. Waiting for any report, not knowing what is going on behind those locked double doors that lead to his room. We have spent a great deal of time at the hospital since Saturday afternoon. It is the least that we can do, to give them support and hugs, an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on. There are so many tears from so many loved ones. It weighs heavy on my soul.
My husband and I have been able to see him twice. I have held his hand and told him to keep fighting and that we love him. I have prayed over him with a complete stranger. Visitation is five times per day, fifteen minutes each time. It is overwhelming how many people line up to see this young man every time visitation rolls around. A flock of 50, 60, 70 people, filing in and out, three at a time. So much love, such a big family, and so many friends. I know why. He is a good kid. He is outgoing, he has a big smile, a great sense of humor, a helping hand, and a sweet spirit.
Please pray with me. He is in God's hands. So...I pray that God's hands will carry him and his entire family through this and bring him back to us.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Catching up...
Brooklyn and I were out of town for a few days and I had no internet access (gasp!!!). So I am terribly behind on both blog reading and posting. Google Reader says I have 460 posts to catch up on??? Oh my. Not good. So...I'm going to try to catch you up on what has been going on around here....
9 month well check
******************
Brooklyn saw Dr. A on Friday the 19th. She weighed 14 pounds, 9.5 ounces (still on that 3rd percentile line! Woohoo!). She was 27 inches long (25th percentile). Get this...that means that she has grown 2 inches in 2 1/2 weeks...how crazy is that? 2 1/2 weeks ago at her appointment with Dr. R, Brooklyn was barely 25 inches, which was 3rd percentile. A week and a half later, at Dr. G's, she was nearly 26 1/2. Now...another week later...27! She is growing!
Dr. A's nurse listed off a bunch of milestones and asked whether Brooklyn had met them yet. The answer was "no" for most of the motor milestones. I think the only 2 that we could say "yes" to were sitting up and pincer grasp. No creeping, no crawling, no pulling up to stand, no standing unassisted. However, she is doing great on all of the verbal milestones. Basically Dr. A said that we are just going to have to watch her closely. If she isn't crawling by 10 or 11 months, not standing by 11 or 12 months, then she may need some therapy to help her catch up. He said that her motor development is below average at this point, but "on the cusp of what's considered okay." This worries me. But we'll wait and see what happens. She has been through a lot and there are obviously medical reasons why she is behind.
Brooklyn also does not have any teeth yet. Dr. A said that studies have recently been published that show that babies who are have both slow dental development and slow motor development eventually catch up 100%. They don't know why yet, but there seems to be some kind of correlation. He said that based on this study, the fact that she hasn't cut any teeth is actually reassuring.
The only shot she had to get was her monthly Synagis (RSV vaccine). No other immunizations. I'm sure she appreciated that.
Dr. A also thought that Brooklyn's breathing was starting to sound better! Yay!
Houston Pre-Christmas
***********************
Brooklyn, my mom, and I went to Houston to visit family from Saturday until Tuesday. Dave couldn't get off work to go with us. Boo!
Anyway, my grandparents, aunt, uncle, and cousins all live in Houston. My grandparents are the only ones who had met Brooklyn before. Everyone else was dying to see her. She did GREAT on Saturday and Sunday...she let my grandmother, aunt, cousins, and my cousin's daughter hold her and she didn't scream at all! For the past month or two, she will scream her head off if anyone besides me, Dave, or her grandmothers hold her. But we were having a Christmas miracle or something on those two days...she was in an amazingly good mood and would allow anyone to hold her! The nearly five hour car ride down there was also relatively painless!
Monday and Tuesday were not as wonderful. Brooklyn wanted me and only me and was doing her typical scream-bloody-murder-if-mom-puts-me-down-for-one-second. She did not sleep much at all during the nights...which makes for a grumpy, fussy, screaming baby and a grumpy mommy who is short on patience. The ride back home took six hours (damn Houston traffic) and was not so much fun. She did finally take a 2 1/2 hour nap, and we were all ready for it by then. I basically played single parent during the four-day trip and it was TOUGH.
All in all though, we had a great visit in Houston. I had not seen most of my relatives since last Christmas and I had missed them so much! We got to spend every day with them and it was good times :)
Christmas plans
*****************
The presents are wrapped and under the tree. We will celebrate Christmas with just the three of us here at our house in the morning. We will go to my parent's house to have Christmas with them in the afternoon. My baby brother is on leave from the Army for two weeks and it's always good to have him around. On Friday, we will do Christmas Part 3 with my hubby's family.
I am excited about it all. :)
I'm off to bed...big day tomorrow! Google Reader will have to wait some more.
9 month well check
******************
Brooklyn saw Dr. A on Friday the 19th. She weighed 14 pounds, 9.5 ounces (still on that 3rd percentile line! Woohoo!). She was 27 inches long (25th percentile). Get this...that means that she has grown 2 inches in 2 1/2 weeks...how crazy is that? 2 1/2 weeks ago at her appointment with Dr. R, Brooklyn was barely 25 inches, which was 3rd percentile. A week and a half later, at Dr. G's, she was nearly 26 1/2. Now...another week later...27! She is growing!
Dr. A's nurse listed off a bunch of milestones and asked whether Brooklyn had met them yet. The answer was "no" for most of the motor milestones. I think the only 2 that we could say "yes" to were sitting up and pincer grasp. No creeping, no crawling, no pulling up to stand, no standing unassisted. However, she is doing great on all of the verbal milestones. Basically Dr. A said that we are just going to have to watch her closely. If she isn't crawling by 10 or 11 months, not standing by 11 or 12 months, then she may need some therapy to help her catch up. He said that her motor development is below average at this point, but "on the cusp of what's considered okay." This worries me. But we'll wait and see what happens. She has been through a lot and there are obviously medical reasons why she is behind.
Brooklyn also does not have any teeth yet. Dr. A said that studies have recently been published that show that babies who are have both slow dental development and slow motor development eventually catch up 100%. They don't know why yet, but there seems to be some kind of correlation. He said that based on this study, the fact that she hasn't cut any teeth is actually reassuring.
The only shot she had to get was her monthly Synagis (RSV vaccine). No other immunizations. I'm sure she appreciated that.
Dr. A also thought that Brooklyn's breathing was starting to sound better! Yay!
Houston Pre-Christmas
***********************
Brooklyn, my mom, and I went to Houston to visit family from Saturday until Tuesday. Dave couldn't get off work to go with us. Boo!
Anyway, my grandparents, aunt, uncle, and cousins all live in Houston. My grandparents are the only ones who had met Brooklyn before. Everyone else was dying to see her. She did GREAT on Saturday and Sunday...she let my grandmother, aunt, cousins, and my cousin's daughter hold her and she didn't scream at all! For the past month or two, she will scream her head off if anyone besides me, Dave, or her grandmothers hold her. But we were having a Christmas miracle or something on those two days...she was in an amazingly good mood and would allow anyone to hold her! The nearly five hour car ride down there was also relatively painless!
Monday and Tuesday were not as wonderful. Brooklyn wanted me and only me and was doing her typical scream-bloody-murder-if-mom-puts-me-down-for-one-second. She did not sleep much at all during the nights...which makes for a grumpy, fussy, screaming baby and a grumpy mommy who is short on patience. The ride back home took six hours (damn Houston traffic) and was not so much fun. She did finally take a 2 1/2 hour nap, and we were all ready for it by then. I basically played single parent during the four-day trip and it was TOUGH.
All in all though, we had a great visit in Houston. I had not seen most of my relatives since last Christmas and I had missed them so much! We got to spend every day with them and it was good times :)
Christmas plans
*****************
The presents are wrapped and under the tree. We will celebrate Christmas with just the three of us here at our house in the morning. We will go to my parent's house to have Christmas with them in the afternoon. My baby brother is on leave from the Army for two weeks and it's always good to have him around. On Friday, we will do Christmas Part 3 with my hubby's family.
I am excited about it all. :)
I'm off to bed...big day tomorrow! Google Reader will have to wait some more.
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